TheEpiphany Epiphany
Today I have decided not to care about my looks, my weight, my station in life and all other things on the never ending lists that I obsess about stop me from just getting on with shit. Today is a good day for it, the sun has been shining, and I spent the better part of it mostly naked reading Harry Potter and just generally feeling perky about life and the universe.
I don’t imagine this feeling will last. It is likely this mood of mine will be sabotaged by tomorrow when I will most likely have one of ‘those’ days. You know the one, when you wake up and accidentally squeeze hand wash onto your toothbrush instead of toothpaste…you look down just before inserting the toothbrush into your mouth and just think ‘what’s the god damn point, it never ends’, you then get in your car to work and are stuck behind yet another insanely slow old lady motorist who just doesn’t want to shift her arse and the only thing going on in your head is the intense yearning to grab her grey head and smash it repeatedly against the steering wheel, with force. Of course you don’t do that, instead this plays in your head as you drive an inch from the back of her car and curl your brow into a focused frown whilst cursing under your breath. Ah the classic road rage you are known for rears its ugly head once more.
Those days happened regardless of how many shining epiphanies stop you in your tracks and make you vow never to stress another day (picture a Gone With The Wind style fist in the air whilst saying it). You promise to be different and just let all the little things go, but in truth this last, tops, two days, and then life just reverts back to its former stressy self when you can do nothing but feel effected by it all…that’s what I like to call the ‘Drowning Effect’…doesn’t matter what logic you have played out in force in your head only days before,it’s clouded now mate…in fact I have had moments following said epiphanies when, say, I promised myself I wouldn’t get angry at little things, and it all made so much sense at the time and why would I want it any other way, and of course only days later when some little things annoys me I just think ‘WELL I DON’T CARE WHAT I SAID, THIS SUCKS AND LIFE SUCKS AND WHATEVER I’M GOING FOR A FAG!!!’.
I won’t stop of course, my little epiphanies are important no matter how long they last, you gotta have hope that you’ll catch on in the end aye?